Welcome to Discount Narnia

June
20/21& 27/28- Fire Flies at the Derbyshire Renaissance Faire. Fire Flies is the fire performance/comedy troupe I'm in.  I'm going to be fire breathing as well as performing some other fire arts, and a little bit of song, both weekends.

July
4- Comerica Cityfest. Playing guitar and singing for the people of Detroit.
30- Ben & Jen's Pre-Wedding Blowout at The Magic Stick. Performing some burlesque for a friend of mine!
31- Squared Circle Revue at Theatre Bizarre. I belong with the other toys.

August
1- Squared Circle Revue at Theatre Bizarre.
7/8- Stolen Media at Theatre Bizarre

Personal Events:
Road Trip to PA August 13-17th!!!

I haven't updated in such a long time...
I've been dreadfully busy with Wonderland, and now I'm booked for a ton of shows. I'm going to update fully at some point in time.

Here's a video of a burlesque act I did for Oblivion's Fractured Fables show- it's got glitter and bubbles and starfish pasties.
What more can you ask for?

Hayley Jane Mermaid Burlesque


Love,
Kate/HJ

Currently, Circus Girl, I am angry at you because you left.
I am angry because you left after what I thought was such a rich and beautiful and deep connection.
It was immediate and electric and there you were, Circus Girl, standing in a beam of light in the middle of the ring.
God, how beautiful.
Have you always been beautiful?
Have you never known what it was like to be rejected?
Do you always leave first?

You electrocuted me with your slim frame and soft lips and shaved head.
You spoke of God and Angels and Demons and Cults and Religion and Spirituality and Forever.
How beautiful.
You could make me do anything.
You could make me go to church.
You baptized me with whiskey kisses.

I guess this happens to you all the time, though. Beautiful people are like that. They take you for a spin and then drop you.
Oh, I know, you're going through some very rough emotional times.
I don't doubt it.
But did you really have to talk about Us before letting me know you were just going to leave?
And now I barely get a word out of you.

I want to come to your show, Circus Girl. I want to show up looking like a Cadillac and I want you to wish you could take me for a ride.
I want to tease you, Circus Girl.
I want to look out from under the brim of my derby and say,
"I'll catch you later."
And I want you to want more.
I want to be the Bob Dylan to your Edie Sedgwick.
I want you to wish wish wish wish wish you could have me.
And I want to walk away.

The only thing wrong with that is
if you asked nicely
I would probably give me to you.

This entry is going to be a culmination of a lot of thinking and hating and loving on my part.
It's going to have a lot of non sequiturs.
Bare with me.
[pun unintended, but that was pretty clever!]

DEAR BURLESQUE PERFORMERS,
You cannot ALL be Dita Von Teese. You cannot all dress like glamorous stars of the 1940s every day in fully fashioned stockings and perilously high heels and be on 24/7. You cannot all have rhinestone encrusted corsets for every act you do, and you cannot all accomplish fan dancing just because you pick up a fan.

Dita did it first. She got famous for it. She is good at what she does, and she made a living for herself by being a creative thinker and bringing an interesting ORIGINAL act to the table. Being just like Dita Von Teese doesn't make you a classy burlesque dancer, it makes you look mindless and unoriginal. Not exactly what you're going for, I imagine.

A lot of the new burlesque dancers are so 'hardcore' that they only dance to traditional burlesque music and wear traditional burlesque outfits and all of this, but in this day and age, there's only room for a few Ditas. Really, there's only room for one, I'm just cutting you slack because I'm ranting pretty hardcore right now.  You have to have something fresh. You gotta have a gimmick!

Just because Dita says it does not make it gospel.
She likes the look of lip-syncing in acts.
MOST OF THE TIME, LIP-SYNCING LOOKS HELLA TRASHY. [Especially if you lip-sync the entire song! You're not a drag act!]
She also SINGS the song she lip-syncs during her shows, which really does make a difference.

In regards to fan-dancing- please. Get a DVD or watch some videos or something. Wafting about between fans with no dance training or concept of how you appear is just...unfortunate. And it makes the audience uncomfortable. Well, it makes ME uncomfortable, because you are awkward and I can't stand embarassment.  Also, don't waste your money on some regular handfans covered in marabou. Save up. Get the big, good ostrich fans. There are a couple eBay stores that offer them in basic colours for about half of what you normally pay.  When you make a trillion dollars because of your sexy fan-dance skills, you can buy them in lots of beautiful colours at full price from ostrich.com.

[side note: I came to conclusion I am not interesting enough as performer, so I'm now starting on a quest to acquire as many bizarre performance skills as I possibly can, including but not limited to: whip throwing, contact juggling, fire rope dart, fire fans, fire breathing/eating, fire palm torches, some hula hooping, belly dancing, and static trapeze. Not necessarily in that order.]

I need to go to bed.
Being superfluously angry about things I can't control really takes it out of me.

Love,
Kate

FINALLY!
A VIDEO!

My ninja act from Dirty Show X.



Love,
Kate

Hey, party people!

If you were wondering how the Asian show went, you can check out some sick pics
HERE.

I can't repost them due to copyright stuff, but please check out the link for some photos of me Harajuku-ing it up amongst the other ladies of Spag!

Love,
Kate

P.S. I did the Dirty Show last night and the night before. AWESOME! Come see me work the cage again on Friday the 13th. Woo!

No, really.
REALLY.

Etta James.
FOR THE WIN!

Aside from her negative comments about my president, Barack Obama [god, I am so happy, America, I can't freaking believe it], Ms. Etta James really digs into a woman I thoroughly dislike.

BEYONCE.

"You know that woman he had singing for him, singing my song -- she's gonna get her a-- whipped. The great Beyonce...But I can't stand Beyonce," she added. "She has no business up there, singing up there on a big ol' president day...singing my song that I've been singing forever."

Thank you, Ms. James. I agree!
[Even if it is because you are crazy and old and has almost nothing to do with your actual feelings]

Love,
Kate

I guess that title is a bit misleading.
This is more an open rant/free write about how I'm trying to get a freaking job or make a freaking job.

I've been sorting through the ads on Craigslist, applying for anything that seems workable.  So far, I've applied for two hostessing jobs, a couple modeling gigs, a stripping gig, a bikini car wash job, and a job hosting sex toy parties.
Meanwhile the whole time I am looking at vintage lingerie on eBay.
So I got to thinking.

What if I did a paid modeling site? Nothing hardcore, just light fetish stuff and retro modeling.  People could buy me pieces of lingerie or fetish garments and then I would take pictures in it.  Or I could make little videos of me putting on stockings or walking in ballet boots. [This also means that I would get pretty things like corsets and girdles. YES!]

Do people still do those types of things?

I mean, Apnea makes a job of it, doesn't she?  I guess she's a little bit hardcore.
Dita made a job of it and now she's freaking uber-famous.

I would have to build up a bit of a lingerie closet first, of course, but is that workable?
Could I be a paid fetish model?
I have no qualms doing strictly fetish work, no porn.  Stocking videos or eating strawberries on cam- that's no big deal to me, that would be really great!  I could post videos of my burlesque shows, too.  I have the urls...I'd just need the code and the audience.

I mean...Hayley Jane could be a fetish star.
Right?

Love,
Kate

Two things I love.

Bob Dylan
and
Pepsi [I was raised on that stuff. It is my nectar. Trying to kick the habit as of late.]

Why do I hate this commercial so fucking much?



Seriously. There is something so wrong with that. I even like Will.I.Am, but that...just seems wrong. It's like how they're using John Lennon to sell laptops.

Except...Dylan isn't dead.

STILL, THOUGH.

Love,
Kate

OK, I ADMIT IT.

I am a stocking fetishist.
[Seriously.]

I am HELLA OBSESSED. It would be creepy if I wasn't a burlesque performer.
[IT MIGHT STILL BE CREEPY.]

[I AM NOT SURE.]

Currently, I go onto the website What Katie Did pretty much every day and gaze longingly at their fabulous collection of hosiery, praying the exchange rate goes down. [It's pretty low right now, actually. If I had a job, I could afford a few pairs.]  Unfortunately, their non-stretch stockings don't come in numbered sizes like some American fully-fashioned stockings do, they come in small/medium/large type sizes.  This is a bit sad for me, because I have pretty big feet for a girl my size [size 9 in most shoes, thx] and the numbered sizes go by foot length [making me a size 10], not by weight/height. They DO have some pretty cute/convincing fake backseam stockings, which also come in 3 packs [YAY] for about £10 [SUPER YAY.]

However, I can't find an American website that has their quality, selection, and prices.
IF YOU KNOW OF ONE AND YOU'RE HOLDING OUT, YOU BETTER TELL ME. I will cry from happiness.
Fo' realzies.

Also, What Katie Did has a YOUTUBE CHANNEL with retro-style strip videos of hot burlesque ladies dressing and undressing and such in their fabulous stockings and garters. The sound of the nylon makes my heart flutter and the hair on the back of my neck stick up. Mmmmm.

I am a Dita at heart. I would become a paid assassin to wear garters and heels every day, with nylon skimming my legs, full petticoats and pencil skirts ahoy!  That would just be perfect.

[Side note: I mentioned my stocking fetish to Lover, and he didn't seem to mind AT ALL and actually mentioned something about helping me put on my stockings. ...! The idea of him helping me fasten my garter almost made me faint. Eek!]

IDEAL WORLD:
I would run a storefront boutique for vintage-inspired clothing and lingerie [complete with stocking counter.] All the salesgirls would be required to wear full 1930s-40s shopgirl attire [stockings included] and there would be boutique fashion shows [a la Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day or How to Marry a Millionaire] for the ladies looking at the garments.  Well, that might get a little too hectic, so it might just be a monthly thing.  And we could play old black and whites to make an everning of it!  Also, everything would be wrapped in boxes with tissue paper and tied with REAL RIBBON, absolutely EVERYTHING, even if it wasn't a gift, because that's how it was done and that's how it should be.  The world needs more glamour.  Luxury is so comforting and heart-warming sometimes.

That's my dream and my destiny.  I need to make that happen, for me and every other woman in the world.

Dear Lingerie Gods,
May someone in America please come out with an affordable fully-fashioned stocking.
KTHXBYE,
Kate

I promised myself I wouldn't buy stockings/lingerie/pretty things until I was making money or had made my weight goal, so...
I need a job.

My first paycheck is going to go to WHAT KATIE DID.

Love,
Kate

P.S. I'm at 126! YES!

So, if you didn't know already, I am a Gala Darling fangirl.

She is a fashion icon, a snazzy writer, and an all-around fabulous lady.  She introduced me to Nubby Twiglet, whose style so heavily influences how I dress daily it's not polite to talk about, EFT, which I am trying to get the hang of [we all know I am awful with visualizations and affirmations], and a bunch of other really cool things [like this.]  She's very high energy and honest, plus she has a knack for throwing together inspirational monologues that make you want to take a deep breath and dive into the fullness of your life.

Right on time for my current crisis, Miss Darling is holding her second annual iCiNG Transformation Challenge, and I am happily participating, but starting a bit early.  The iTC is a 28-day life rehab led by Gala with participants from all over the world- and all you need is your computer and a little bit of 'YES WE CAN!'

It starts February 1st, so we have a little time to prepare, and you can make over whatever you want- for me, obviously, I am concentrating on gaining some weight [hopefully 10-15 lbs] and being more healthy in general.  Some people are reworking relationships, starting businesses, or even just concentrating on bettering their self-image.

Preparing for my iTC today, I went out and got some weight gain powder shake stuffand some healthy fatty foods [I ate almost a whole avocado with just salt and pepper tonight, it was AWESOME], as well as some fruit juices so I would stop relying on the empty calories of soda.  I recently lost even more weight [I am 121.5 now, so displeased], so it's certainly a slap in the face about what I need to be doing.

I went to two separate nutrition places today, one horrible place in Oakland Mall called Vitamin World [where the woman who worked there just terrified me so much that I left the store] and a cool industrial-type shop called EDGE NUTRITION [yes, it deserves the all caps], where some really really really nice guys helped me find what I needed and were very sympathetic and concerned for my situation.  They were the first people that I admitted having an eating disorder to- I know, all the signs were there; eating/not eating because of nerves, all the issues with food, the fact I threw up a lot [usually because I was upset], but I always prided myself on the fact that I was the chick WITHOUT the eating disorder. Well, I'm not. I have an eating disorder. I am getting over it.  I am going to GAIN THE WEIGHT and ENJOY FOOD AGAIN.

YAY! Seriously, you guys, I am pumped.

Thanks, Gala. You're a real darling! :D [Bet she NEVER gets that one.]

Love,
Kate

P.S. Anyone have an extra blender?  I have a feeling I'll need one.

My good friend, the fabulous photographer Toria Royle, isn't known for her hilarity and wisdom.
But she's got it.

An excerpt from our online conversation this evening.

"omg i hate getting fingered
im like really
you wanna point to my uterus for like half an hour
go right ahead
point at my uterus
go right a fucking head"

I laughed so hard when I read that I almost cried.

Love,
Kate

• the creamy aftertaste of cheddar cheese
• Miss Pettigrew Lives for A Day
• the feeling of accomplishment after drafting a successful pattern
• spending time with Love Interest
• Midwest Teen Sex Show
• running into Spag ladies at Guitar Center
  

THINGS I DO NOT ENJOY.

• Mercury retrograde [thank the stars it ends Sunday]
• the lack of direction in my life
• pressure from my father
• being so not a part of this household that I was gone for 6 hours and no one noticed.

Weight Update: I ate twice today. I am eating now. That makes three times. They may not have necessarily been full meals, but it at least occurred more than once. This is an improvement. You're supposed to eat three meals a day and two large snacks if you want to gain weight.  I am working on it. Now if only I could eat more than three bites of something when I wasn't alone.

Love,
Kate

DO NOT FREAK OUT.
Ok?
Ok.

I know, when someone says they have issues with their weight, you usually think "Oh, god, another anorexic-bulimic," and you say, "Oh no, you're so THIN, you look so GREAT, I wish I could be that skinny."
I know this.
I know that I am thin, and most girls would kill to fit into a size 2 pair of jeans on a regular basis, or boast their measurements at 34-26-38.  I know that women think I look fine, good even, and whilst I am not the heroin chic rectangle of modern media, I am still pretty tiny.

Well, there's another side to that "weight issues" coin.
And I am so on that side of the coin, it is not even FUNNY.

Over the summer, due to various issues with myself, my love life, my home life, etc, I lost about...10 pounds. Around that. I went from 132 lbs to 123 lbs, and that may not be a big difference for some people but on an already thin girl, I've gone from healthy to Holocaust.  I bragged about it, too, about how my mental blockage against food and healthiness made me drop the weight, like it was some sort of accomplishment. [The fact that I am very pale really doesn't help the whole Holocaust thing either.]

But, I look in the mirror, and I miss it.
I miss looking like a pin-up girl.
I miss being feminine and soft.
I MISS MY BOOBS, YOU GUYS.
I miss being able to shake it like Shakira!
There is definitely NO Shakira Shake going on down there.

And some of you, I know, are thinking, "Oh my god, are you kidding me? Who the hell wants to GAIN weight?"
And the answer is- I do.
I'm not happy with how I look and I'm finally not afraid to acknowledge it or try to change it.
You know how hard it is wanting the exact opposite of almost every other girl in the world?
It's a hard thing to admit.

I can't for the life of me "find the weight." I got so used to not eating that I CAN'T eat regularly anymore and due to family situations, I feel restricted to my room and unable to get things to eat when I am hungry.  I have so many issues with food, either way...I can't eat in front of people. You know that scene in Signs where they're eating their last meal? That scene makes me cry and hyperventilate.

I've decided to document my progress as part of this blog to keep me going, and I really need your support, you being whoever cares to read this or anyone who has a similar problem or ideas to help me.

I really want to do this, for me, and I'd like your help.

In other news, I have a burlesque show Saturday night.
NINJA TIME, BITCHES!

Love,
Kate

P.S. I found the best sushi place in Michigan today.

Oh man!
Picture time!

These are of the two acts I did at the Magic Stick on January 3rd.


Lisa is a snazzy card girl!

Grunge Girl- in which I strip to a grunge cover of My Humps by my good friends, The Mayor's Wife!
( The shit is bananas? B-A-N-A-N...? )

Little Drops of Poison- in which I concoct a delicious treat of baking soda + vinegar to a Tom Wait's song
( How do you like your town? )

Love,
Kate

So, I've decided to start up a personal/miscellaneous blog so that the people who read my make-up blog who DON'T want to hear about my car crashes and boy problems and burlesque what-not-ery can stop sorting through all the BS to get to the tutorials. faerie_makeup  is now JUST for make-up related things and this is for everything else.

[Those of you who still want to stalk me can do so via this blog.]

Capisce?
Capisce.
Buono!

On that note, dear friends, I stayed up all night last night [as in, I am still awake from yesterday] finishing a costume for the burlesque show I'm in next weekend.  I had a bit of a confrontation with Love Interest [whose details shall remain unknown] on the telephone and just couldn't go to sleep after that, so I drafted the pattern for the bra top in my head.

Well, I couldn't just leave it at that, so I got out my little notepad and wrote down a to-do list of everything I had left to complete on the costume, and then sketched the pattern for the top. Then I pondered whether or not to just go ahead and make the top.
So I did.
And checking that off the list felt AWESOME, so I just...ploughed through the rest of the to-do list.

I am accomplished, but exhausted.
However, the costume looks HELLA SICK and there will be pictures, of course.
Some of the costume pieces are easily reusable, which is good.  I spent a lot of money on this costume, for me at least. It was something like $70-$80 for materials, which is a TON for me to spend on ANYTHING. My prom dress cost like $6. Now I have a pattern for panties, though, so that's AWESOME.  I draft all my patterns myself, so it's nice when I figure out how to make something new.

I don't have any music for the act yet, though.
I'm probably going to cop out and use something from the Memoirs of a Geisha soundtrack.

I'm doing two acts on Saturday night, one is LE NINJA, and the other is a Harajuku/Japanese Street Fashion/Decora act, which involves a lot of colors and my short hair in tiny pigtails.  The music to that number is bright and hysterical and fun, but I need to practice, and buy some lollipops or something to throw out to the crowd from my pink vinyl Hello Kitty mini-satchel. Eff, I need to make pasties for that act, too.  I can't find my gluegun, I think it got lost in the move?  I have the materials, otherwise.

BLEGH, TIRED KATE IS TIRED.

Love,
Kate

P.S. Info on the show HERE.